Untitled
by waterytart
Summary: Breathe Interlude .. Buffy comes back from the grave very much like she did in the series, but a letter from a purple-haired wolf changes things. (BOz)
1. Untitled: Prologue

Title: Untitled

Rating: ummm what's the one before R? Well that one, for naughty language and angsty themes.

Summary: Buffy comes back from the grave very much like she did in the series, but the plot veers off onto a new path. That means no troika, no Giles YET, and unfortunately no Spike, 'cause he complicates things, which is a poo 'cause he makes things so much fun!

Setting: Season 6 and 7 so spoilers ahoy if you haven't seen both those seasons. Starts right after "After Life" so Giles hasn't returned yet.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them

**bathroom scenes**

[prologue]

Buffy stood in front of the steaming mirror wearing a frown and little else.

She felt numb. And it wasn't the fact that she was standing stark naked in her small bathroom with only the steam from her finished shower keeping her warm. She felt numb all over, from head to foot, inside and out.

Why was that? Where did the numbness she had been feeling from the moment she had crawled out of that grave come from? After the initial shock of waking up under six feet of dirt, the numbness had set in and hadn't left since, leaving Buffy walking through a fog of responsibility her friends had carefully explained to her and uncertainty about her future that outwardly she presented a brave face to.

Shouldn't she just be happy that she was back? Shouldn't she feel grateful that her friends loved her enough to give her this amazing gift? Shouldn't she be feeling **something**?

Buffy wiped at her reflection, leaving beads of water in her wake marking it's way through the condensation.

She felt there should be something to show for her time "away," a new outlook on life that should shine through her eyes maybe. She touched her refracted likeness and drew closer to the mirror. The cool wetness that gathered on the glass ran down her bare arm, Buffy watching it's progress before returning to her reflection.

Wisdom, faith, serenity, or maybe even a feeling of superiority, that should show shouldn't it? Somewhere in her expression in the way she carried herself, some sort of feeling that she knew something others didn't. She had come back from the great beyond, **months** after her actual death. People didn't do that everyday. She was meant to have all the answers now, yet all she had were more questions.

Life was a gift, she knew that was how she was supposed to feel, but was it really? It didn't feel like it right now. It felt like hot searing pain that scorched a path through her veins into her heart, and if she gave into that ache, the knowledge that was constantly there at the back of her mind, if she acknowledged its existence and let go of the coldness that surrounded her, then she would have to **feel**, and that meant more than pain and hurt, it meant uncertainty and self-evaluation. She'd have to look at herself, really look, and that meant taking responsibility for her life.

She wasn't ready for that. She wasn't sure she'd ever be. And that was why she was numb.

Blinking back the tears that were certain to fall if she kept on that line of thought, Buffy breathed deeply, opened her eyes and watched as the mask of indifference fall back into its place.


	2. Untitled: Chapter One

holding back tears 

[chapter 1]

"More bills?" a solemn Willow asked taking a small sip of her steaming coffee.

"Is there anything else?" Buffy responded with a shrug. She watched as a flicker of guilt pass over her friend's expression, knowing Willow was wondering if the blonde would bring up the subject of rent, or lack thereof. Pretending not to notice, Buffy went about pouring out what was left of the coffee into her mug and sat down to evaluate her financial position. If the redhead offered she would gladly accept a monthly rent anything would be an immense help, but she wouldn't press the matter. 

Buffy would just have to go on feeling that twinge of resentment that the coffee that the witch was currently consuming was Buffy's coffee, the water she used for her showers was Buffy's water, and the bed she slept in was her mother bed.

"You got a late class today?" she asked instead.

"Yeah. I thought I'd do some studying here. And then I thought maybe we could go have lunch before my afternoon class." Willow suggested hopefully.

"Sorry Wills, I gotto go look for a job. Mom's life insurance isn't gonna last many more house payments and there's still a whole bunch of utility bills that have to be paid. Maybe another time okay?" 

The redhead's face fell as her eyes guiltily darted to the bundle of bills that sat in front of the Slayer.

"O-Okay, I'll just… clean up then," she said putting her mug in the sink with the rest of the breakfast dishes, "Looks like hurricane Dawnie came through here this morning, leaving a path of destruction behind her as usual," Willow joked as she pulled on a pair of pink rubber gloves. She felt the need to lighten the tension she suspected only she felt hanging in the air and with a covert glance over her shoulder, her suspicions were confirmed; an air of indifference surrounded the blonde sitting at the kitchen bench silently reading through the mail.

Willow shook her head in mute disappointment and went back to scrubbing the mug in her hand under the scolding hot water.

Silence sat oppressively between the two as Willow shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, slowly rinsing the last of the plates under the tap. Buffy's languorously raised her eyes to stare at the redhead's back regarding her with a detached gaze as she listened to the fast water flow, vaguely thinking the way Willow was washing the dishes wasn't the most water or cost effective way of doing it.

Looking back down to the last of the letters in the bundle she had brought in that morning, Buffy found a personal looking letter with the words "Willow Rosenberg" staring back at her in a messy scrawl, a sticker from the post office telling her that it had been redirected to the Summers' residence from Willow's parents' house.

"A letter for you Willow," she said tossing it closer to the redhead.

Pulling of her gloves with a snap of rubber, Willow regarded the letter with a curious gaze as she wiped a hand on her jeans. She picked it up with a frown, distantly recognizing the handwriting but not remembering exactly who it identified and ripped at the seal.

Buffy silently watched the young witch as emotions flew across her features, finally asking who it was from when it looked like Willow had finished.

"Maybe you should read it," Willow offered instead, handing her the few sheets of writing before excusing herself, and heading upstairs with tears in her eyes.

Puzzled at her reaction Buffy went first to the final sheet of lined-paper her brow furrowing as she read the sign off note and her lips parting slightly in bewilderment. She quickly turned back to the start of the letter and started reading: 

_Dearest Willow,_

_ I received your letter a couple of days ago, and I've only just rearranged my thoughts enough to be able to write to you now. Mom forwards my mail once every couple of months so I'm sorry for the long delay even though you probably forgot about me as soon as you had finished writing your letter. I wouldn't blame you if you did, we live in such different worlds now. _

_I know I'm avoiding the reason for writing, and the reason why it took me days before I could actually put pen to paper. It's hard, the whole situation, the writing to you like this. It's all so hard and I wish I were better at words than I am._

_First off, I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for the funeral. Even if I had gotten your letter in time, I doubt I could have brought myself to actually attend the service; it would be like admitting she was dead, and I still can't believe it's true. Out of all of us, I knew, deep down, Buffy was the least likely of us to survive to old age, but there was always a hope, you know? _

_So when you wrote about Glory, Dawn, Keys, (it's confusing to try and separate what could be my real memories from the made up ones, I end up running around in circles, chasing my tail as it were. So I've decided not to scrutinise it too much, it'll just make my head hurt) it made me wonder how much I'd missed out on and what I've been doing since I left. _

_Not as much as you guys it seems._

_Then I read your last paragraph Willow, the one about Buffy, the one that's now branded into my memory, I don't think I've ever had that feeling before or ever will again. _

_It made me think about the last time I saw the Slayer at work, it was probably only a blip on the radar of what Buffy had to go through the years, it was so long ago, and I guess a pretty insignificant event to the Slayer, but not to me. I think it was the first time I had actually understood what it was to live in Buffy's world, having been away from it for so long beforehand._

_Do you remember it?_

_It's funny, I had fought along side you guys so many times, but I'd never really been the one that needed to be rescued._

_My thoughts were whirling around my head as I read and re-read that last paragraph, I must've read it at least 20 times and it's only just sunk in as I write to you now._

_She's really gone isn't she? There's no coming backs, no Xander to give CPR, no magical spell that can be done._

_It's made me think Willow, it's made me re-evaluate my life and what's important to me. _

_You are._

_I know we could never be together in the same way again, you have Tara now I know that, and I think I've only recently comes to terms with what that means. When I say that you're important to me, I mean all of you, all of what I left back in Sunnydale. You, Xander, Giles, Buffy. And in a way Devon and the rest of the Dingoes as well, you were the most important friends I've ever had and probably will ever have. I need you to know that. With Buffy gone, I think it's more important than ever that you know that, I just wish she was still around to tell her._

Her hands were shaking Buffy suddenly realized. The words were starting to blur as well, as old tears stung at the back of her eyes. The Slayer took a long steadying breath returning her eyes to the scrawled handwriting in front her, determined not to break down.

_Both times I left Sunnydale, I've come to realize now was in complete selfishness, I knew it that last time I left, but I've had time to reflect and that first time, no matter how many times I tried to tell myself was for you as much as it was for me, was a delusion I had to keep me from feeling guilty about leaving you._

_I can't deny the selfishness of my actions now, but in all honesty Will, it had never occurred to me that you guys would move on with your lives like you did. I think it's just a part of being human I guess, the world outside your own doesn't exist if you're not in it, or at least that's what I got from those few psych classes I turned up to. I know I said it all the last time I was there, but I need you to know that you never left my thoughts. I understand it was naive of me, but I truly thought you would be safer without me around. Sometimes we inflate our self worth I think, yeah, I had forgotten about the Hellmouth._

_But she made you do that didn't she? Buffy was always around to avert apocalypses, scare away the danger with a flip of her dyed-blonde hair, keep us all safe at night. It was hard not to forget we stood just over the mouth of hell everyday. _

_Buffy and I were never close friends, we never did end up braiding each other hair and having pillow fights, I don't think we ever had a conversation longer than a couple of minutes, and those were always about things that go bump in the night, or, you. But life without her seems somehow a lot bleaker, and it makes me feel sorry for the people that didn't know her, I can't help but think they missed out on something special. _

Buffy face flamed with the heat of her emotions as a quiet sob escaped her lips and silent tears spilled down the Slayer's cheeks as her earlier resolve quickly crumbled.

In his quiet way, with only a few words, Oz had made Buffy **feel** for the first time in a long time. "…_they missed out on something special," _did he really believe that? She had never felt special. Sure chosen, or burdened, even superior at times, but special? 

Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head to clear her thoughts before continuing to read: __

_I have so many regrets Willow, a lot revolving around you, Buffy and the others, my biggest regret, is leaving at all._

_So I'm sorry Willow, for the weak man I was and am, for leaving you and all of my friends when I could have taken your friendship for what it was and accepted what you were with Tara. I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed me, and now I'm sorry for what probably is an intrusion. _

_I'm coming home._

_Life has become. I guess complicated is the word I'm looking for, since I left Sunnydale. I've found myself longing for the simplicity of fighting evil that you know exists, fighting the monsters that have a face._

_I'll be arriving back in Sunnydale in about two weeks from the date of this letter; there are a few things I still have to get settled here before I leave, otherwise I would be on the first plane to California. I know now that's where I belong._

_You'll probably rather not see me when I arrive, or even afterwards perhaps, but I didn't want to surprise you with a sudden appearance and if we happen to pass each other in the street I hope you'll smile and not throw something at me._

_Always_

_Oz_

Buffy's eyes rose as she stared blankly into the space above the sink considering Oz's finishing words. He was coming back to Sunnydale, in if Buffy calculate correctly, under a week. 

That meant she only had a few days to wait till she could tell the lycanthrope how much his words had unknowingly meant to her… and smack him over the head for the dyed-blonde crack. 

-------------

_In the letter, Oz refers to the episode "Where the Wild Things Are."_

_I'm sure I didn't get the voice of Oz exactly right, but goddang that guy is hard, it's all bloody inner dialogue and what he doesn't say with that guy, hopefully I can get it a bit better with the scenes where's there's actual interaction between the characters._


	3. Untitled:Chapter Two

**NOTE:** I have no one but myself to beta this story so try not to let any spelling and grammar mistakes I've missed distract you from the story. Also, I'm Australian, so most spelling and grammar is spell-checked English (UK/Australia) not (US), except for words like "mom" of course.

--------

the type to… 

[Chapter 2]

_"… Please make sure you have all your belonging before you make your way off the aircraft, thank you for flying with British Airways, and we hope you enjoy your stay in Los Angeles."_

Oz stamped his foot trying to get the blood flowing again after having been seated for what seemed like an eternity on a hard, narrow, economy class seat that appeared to have the ability to stop all feeling on his left side completely. 

The wolf's tired limbs groaned in protest as he hefted his only bag over his shoulder and patiently elbowed his way through the crowd off of the plane, or as patiently as he could with a good number of people pushing him from behind. He still needed to take a taxi from the airport into the inner city bus depot and from there, a bus that would take him to Sunnydale and he was definitely not relishing the idea of more uncomfortable, circulation inhibiting seats, but he didn't complain. He instead rubbed his eyes tiredly and made his way through customs and out into the area where all the happy families were waiting for their loved ones. 

He had always loved this area of the airport. 

It wasn't ever an especially beautiful section in any of the airports he visited. They were always pretty generic, had a basic functional design; the florescent lighting always unflattering for those new arrivals from distant lands as the sound of shuffling feet echoed off of the large airport walls. There was always a weird smell that came from years of people walking through the area, but there was also a sense of warmth that the anticipating families always brought with them.

There wasn't anyone Oz knew in LA that he could contact about his arrival if he wanted someone to pick him up and save him the bus ride to Sunnydale, and he had only told the absent-minded Devon about his travel details so he could crash at his former band mate's place until he found something more permanent, but a small smile played on his lips anyway as he scanned the area watching the people greet their loved ones with hugs and laughter. 

He watched one family overwhelm two of his fellow passengers with hugs and kisses, balloons were given and luggage was unburned from the two as they smiled happily at the group around them. He watched them for a few more seconds but shifted his gaze elsewhere feeling that he was being slightly voyeuristic, his gaze falling on a slightly familiar figure. 

He frowned as he searched his memory for a hint of who the figure could be as he watched her scan the crowd for, he guessed, her own loved one, his frown deepening when her gaze halted on him. He checked the people around him to see if they recognised the young brunette heading in their direction but the nagging feeling at the back of his mind made him turn his gaze back and scrutinise the teenager as she frantically waved her arms above her head. 

"Oz!" 

He blinked at the sound of his name on her lips, and watched her with a tilt of his head as she sidestep her way around people while still trying to keep his attention, but also trying to catch the attention of someone across the great expanse of people.

"Oz!" she shouted again as she launched herself at him. The warmth of the young girl's embrace startling the wolf, "Oh my god! We thought we'd missed you, you should have seen the way Buffy dodged her way through traffic, I think we're gonna need new handles on the car doors, I might have cracked the one I was holding I was that scared for my life."

She released the wolf and took a step back, her face beaming with happiness.

"And oh my god, you're hair! I remember you used to dye it but wow! Purple suits you by the way, I can't even believe you're here it's been so long, we were gonna get you one of those balloon things and I thought we should make a banner, but Buffy was driving life a maniac, so the one I was trying to make in the car, looks like it says "Welcomme bock Olz" so we thought we shouldn't use it cause who knows? There might have been some Swedish guy named Olz on your flight, and then there would be this whole awkward, 'I should know you 'cause you have a sign, but I don't really know you' situation," the brunette said without taking a breath, as Oz stood mutely watching her rant with large arm gestures. He definitely remembered those arm gestures, but he was still a little unsure.

Dawn, taking a long breath, finally stood back and watched the purple-haired wolf as he tried to gather his thoughts.

"Don't you recognise me?" she said suddenly with a slight frown and flick of her hair.

"D-Dawn?" he said uncertainly. This couldn't be Buffy's little sister; she was so… TALL. 

Yet, she had the same long chocolate brown hair he remembered that always seemed too shiny and straight, and had the same habit of flicking said hair when she was annoyed. The same slight awkwardness that she had as a pre-teen, like she wasn't sure what to do with her arms and how to co-ordinate her legs that were a little too gangly, though now it seemed the awkwardness was better hidden as he watched the teen shoot him an annoyed glare, balling her fists and planting then on her hips. This was, Oz realised, the same Dawn Summers he remembered, only an older version.

"Dawn," he said with more certainty this time.

"Yeah," she replied as her face softened and she flashed him a tentative half smile that he was sure she had copied from her older sister. 

_Dawn._

_Older sister._

_Buffy._

_Dawn mentioned Buffy… driving?_

_What?_

"Dawn!" a familiar voice called out from nearby, "Have you found—" she trailed off when she saw Oz standing next to her sister with as close to a puzzled expression she had ever seen the wolf display. 

If he was the type to scream in fright; he would've.

If he was the type to burst into tears; he would've. 

If he was the type to faint; he would've.

Instead, he said, "Hey Buffy," with a tilt of his head.

Buffy in return, half smiled her half smile that Oz now realised Dawn hadn't yet perfected.

"Hey Oz."

--------


	4. Untitled: Chapter Three

Here it is, like over a year late but here it is anyway. This chapter was bloody hard to write mostly because I was unsure of the order of things, I also ended up writing two other alternate chapters that started on the ride home which just didn't sit right with me, seemed forced, so I landed on this version.

Don't hate me!

Also thank-you muchly to those who reviewed, I got a much better response from this than I thought I would, especially those later reviewers that reminded me I still hadn't finished and this fic seemed to be doomed to stay hidden on my hard drive forever, so kisses hugs and all the other good stuff.

**morning rituals & evening walks**

chapter 3

Oz woke to the sound of thunder, or what his sleep addled mind thought was thunder, minus the wind and rain that inevitably came with a storm, but hearing a shout about bathrooms and showers he frowned and opened his eyes slowly, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he listened to someone pound on a wooded door with all their might.

"Buffy! Some of us have school you know!"

He stared at the off-white ceiling wondering where he was before it all came rushing back to him as he looked down at the comforter that was now only covering half of his body, due to his habit of rolling around in his sleep. Lazily turning his head he found himself staring at the unlit fireplace, the pictures of Buffy with her family and friends confirming that last night had not been a dream.

_Buffy wasn't dead._

_Huh._

Engrossed in his reflection of the previous night, Oz didn't hear the subject of his thoughts walk down the stairs and stop within the doorway of the lounge room.

"Nice legs Oz, you shave?" Buffy asked from under the archway as she casually leaned against the doorframe with a small smile on her face. Looking down at the purple-haired werewolf she raised her eyebrow at the leg hanging out from under his blanket, which was in reality, surprisingly hairy.

"Wax," was Oz's deadpanned answer. He swung said legs around giving up some room on the couch so Buffy could sit, and bent over to scratch his left shin.

"Sleep well?"

"Like the dead," Buffy answered while playing with the edge of Oz's blanket absently, "You?"

"Good. Thanks by the way. For taking in a stray."

The blonde quickly shot Oz a annoyed look and stood abruptly, "I told you last night Oz, I wasn't going to let you stay anywhere else in good conscience now that your parents aren't in Sunnydale anymore. Anyway, staying at Devon's in a sure-fire way of catching hepatitis or syphilis or something."

Oz smiled affectionately at his friend and stood shakily on his unused legs, following Buffy's lead as she walked through the lounge into the kitchen.

"Pancakes or waffles?" she asked over her shoulder.

"Pancakes."

"Good, 'cause I'm not cleaning the waffle iron," Buffy said with a small smile pulling out ingredients for pancakes from the pantry.

Oz looked around the familiar surroundings leaning against the kitchen island as Buffy silently prepared the flour and eggs in front of him.

It had been a long time since he had last been in the Summers' house. Buffy's mom was still alive then, and Oz was sure if she was still around that it would have been Joyce making pancakes for everyone, not a slightly weathered Slayer that seemed sadder than he remembered seeing from his last visit to the Sunny Dale. Though if Oz was being honest, he hadn't taken much notice of Buffy that last time he was in town, his thoughts mainly revolving around Willow, and then the discovery of a Willow that involved a Tara shaped girlfriend.

"Oh Buffy let me do that," a soft voice said from the doorway. Oz turned to see Willow's blonde girlfriend hurry into the kitchen and take the spoon away from the slayer gently, mindful not to look in his direction as she tentatively greeted the two.

Oz returned the greeting but otherwise remained silent in keeping with his personality, not because he was being especially cold, yet the silence grew heavily around them.

Buffy coughed awkwardly, "Your just offering because your scared I'll burn down the kitchen," she said braking the tension between the two, "I only burned the pancakes that one time, and it was fine if you turned them over."

"They were raw on the other side."

"Well it evened out the burnt bits," Buffy countered with a slight pout before smiling warmly at Tara. The soft spoken witch smiled back at the slayer puzzled at her transformation from the cold, emotionless woman that had stood in the exact spot she was now only a few days previously, but was grateful for the change.

There was still a sense of aloofness that surrounded the slayer that had kept everyone from asking any questions about her transformation, but everyone in the Summers' residence were just glad to see a Buffy that was more like the one that was around before that summer of her death. In fact, the Buffy that stood beside her now was more like the Buffy before the whole Glory God business. Not quite the Buffy that had told the Watcher's council to stick it where the sun don't shine, but maybe an amalgamation of the two.

"Funny shapes or regular?" Tara asked on reflex having finished the mixture she turned to the stove to start the cooking.

"Funny shapes!" Dawn's voice floated from the upper level.

"She's got radar for food that one," Buffy said shaking her head as she set out plates and cutlery around the kitchen island, "What bout you Oz? Tara makes awesome pancakes, funny shaped or otherwise."

"Not really," Tara said modestly.

"Whatever's easiest."

Tara looked over at Oz for the first time since she had entered the room and smiled tentatively, which he returned with an awkward shrug, suddenly realising he was only in his boxers and a t-shirt.

"I better go get decent before any under aged eyes get corrupted by the sight of my shiny hairless legs."

"Too late, on both accounts," Dawn announced waltzing into the kitchen heading straight for the refrigerator.

"And sorry to say, they don't look all that hairless, Oz," she said poking her head out the side of the fridge door as Oz gave Buffy a secret smile.

Tara frowned and turned back to the task of flipping a pancake, wondering if the purple-haired wolf was deliberately giving her the cold shoulder or if he was feeling just as awkward as she was and listened with half an ear as Buffy informed him that Willow had left for school already so the bathroom was free now that everyone had had their turn. She added as an afterthought that he could use any of the products he found in the bathroom.

"Hey, mi volumiser, es su volumiser. Though you might want to stay away from Dawn's body wash, strawberries and cream might be a bit to froufrou for your tastes."

"Only during the week. Weekends I sometimes like to indulge in a bit of frou."

-------

Oz had offered to go patrolling with the blonde that evening after dinner, half as a way to avoid being left alone with Willow and her girlfriend, and half because he wanted to spend some time with Buffy and maybe get an explanation to way she was looking so good for a dead person.

Buffy hadn't brought up the subject at anytime during their day together (as they were the only two in the house that hadn't had school or any other commitments) but then again, neither had Oz, so he couldn't really blame Buffy. They had mostly spent their time doing the chores and errands that seemed to take up most of Buffy's life these days, the use of the Summers' large washer and dryer a heaven sent after months of travelling. He was smelling better than he had in what seemed like ages, the scented soap in the shower enough for him to want to orgasm on the spot.

As the two folded his laundry this afternoon, Oz had been pleasantly surprised by how well the two got along having never spent as much time with the blonde in the past as he had that day, the time he had probably wouldn't have amounted to anything really significant.

They had sometimes teased and bantered, never really discussing anything significant which was a relief for both of them, and then fell into comfortable silences where it was just fine being in someone else's company.

As the two walked through the dark streets of Sunnydale and into the first cemetery of the night, Oz decided to take the opportunity to take up subtly teasing the blonde slayer as he had for most of the afternoon.

Funny how Buffy understood his deadpanned comments for being the jokes and teasing they were. There weren't many outside of his family that did.

"Are we patrolling for the usual vampires, or evil benches with nefarious plans to take over Sunnydale?"

"What?" Buffy asked confused but after a short pause she remembered the last, and only time she and Oz had patrolled together.

"Oh, right.. Hey! That so wasn't my fault, the bench was shifty looking!"

"I guess the wood grain was suspect."

"Oh shut up," Buffy said sticking her tongue out at the wolf, "Like you've never done anything irrational, and your forgetting the most important part, I was completely right about Cathy. I was right, you guys were wrong.

Me right, you wrong."

Oz just smiled and kept smiling as they weaved their way through the graves and mausoleums, the quiet giving each some time to mull over their own thoughts.

It was a relief not having to be the responsible one for a little while as he knew Buffy could look after herself. Oz had felt the weight of responsibility during his time in Europe heavier than he ever had in the past, and it was liberating to not have to _worry _so much.

The wolf paused as he waited as Buffy retied the laces of her sneakers and looked around him, appreciating the quiet that permeated throughout the whole of their small town, probably due to the unusually high death rate and unusual occurrences that occurred after the sun set, but Oz appreciated the quiet, no matter the reason.

There was no sounds of traffic, no people that you would find in the larger cities that he had travelled for the past few years, but only the nocturnal animals, the night and a blonde Slayer beside him.

It was nice.

And he had missed Sunnydale.

He hadn't realised it until just now as the darkness comfortably surrounded them, the moonlight casting the gravestones in shadows. He had even missed the cemeteries.

Strange, but there you had it.

Harold Samuel Shepherd  
Died 1983   
We will always love you  
Kathleen, Michael and Fran

Each grave had it's own story to tell, had it's own past that was hinted to on the headstones, prompting Oz to wonder who Kathleen Michael and Fran were. Harold's wife and children? His brother and sisters?

As Buffy stood and wiped her hands across the top of her workout pants, Oz wondered what they would put on his headstone.

Here lies Daniel Peter Osbourne  
Died ......  
Son of Marie and George Osbourne  
He liked animal crackers

"So Europe?" Buffy asked eventually as she poked a head into one of the larger mausoleums.

Seeing no activity they continued on, "Yup. Big continent. Lots of countries," Oz answered simply.

Buffy half-smiled her half-smile, having expected such an answer, "No no stop Oz. So much detail, so many stories, I cant get my head around it all."

Oz looked down at the ground and grinned behind his hand. Inwardly chuckling, he didn't elaborate on his journey through Europe, knowing Buffy would eventually weasel the rest of his story out of him, he wanted to discourage her inquiries for now as he'd have to explain a lot of things he had done and choices he had made that he didn't want to think about at that moment.

He instead took the opportunity to turn the conversation back onto Buffy.

"So death?" he asked rather bluntly, abandoning his usual subtlety.

Buffy shrugged nonchalantly, "Yeah. Fluffy clouds, everlasting peace."

Buffy winced as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she didn't understand why she had just blurted it out like that when she knew Oz was smart enough to decipher the true meaning of her words. After her friends' initial assumptions of hell, she hadn't wanted to tell anyone about her summer "away," hadn't told the friends that were supposed to know her best and she had just blurted it out to Oz, who was, essentially, a stranger. Even after the day they had spent together not catching up and not talking about the last few years.

She** did** feel comfortable with him, maybe more so now than she ever had, but she still didn't really _know _Oz.

So maybe that was it. Maybe it was _because_ he was a virtual stranger, a stranger who knew her and knew about her past, but knew very little about her present self.

But he'd have to ask her directly if she even thought about talking, something she didn't think he would do. She had given similar openings to her friends to ask her about her that time, never so obvious as the one she presented Oz with, but even so, openings, and each of them had skirted around the issue and her secrets had yet to be told. And probably never would.

It Buffy was really honest with herself, it was because she was scared of their reactions to the information, plain and simple. So that's what it came down to, a Slayer who had face countless demons every night, averted dozens of apocalypses; was terrified of her own friends.

She was frightened of their rejection mainly, but also of that slight chance that they might be angry with her for not being in hell like they thought, a slightly irrational fear, but a fear nonetheless.

Oz's hand was suddenly on Buffy's wrist as he brought them both to a halt.

"You were in heaven?" he asked in his soft, unassuming way as he searched the slayer's face. Buffy's eyes widened in surprise. Oz had asked the question she had desperately wanted him to ask, but at the same time dreaded, as she felt her fear of rejection grip her once again.

"Can we talk about something else?" she asked uncomfortably having second thoughts about opening up, looking down at Oz's hand which was still holding Buffy's wrist loosely.

Oz quickly relinquished his hold but continued to stare at the slayer intensely, waiting for her answer as Buffy blinked and shifted her gaze lower to her feet.

"Buffy? Were you?"

Maybe Oz was the perfect person to unburden all her troubles onto. Quiet and patient Oz, who had understood that Willow had needed to wait for the right time to finally lose her virginity, understood it even better than she did. Oz, who had been cautiously supportive of her red-headed friend as she grew into her Wiccan powers.

Oz, who had patiently and mindfully taken Buffy on patrol as she raged about her first ever dorm roommate who incidentally, _had_ turned out to be evil.

Oz, who was now listening to her, and waiting for her answer.

"Yes," she softly revealed, catching her bottom lip between her teeth as she silently thought over the time that seemed like a century ago now. It felt so long, yet so close Buffy could still feel the warmth and comfort.

"At least, I think I so. I was safe.. wherever I was, I was safe and I was happy."

Oz swallowed and stayed silent, scrutinizing his friend as she wrapped her arms around herself protectively and kept her eyes firmly on the tip of her shoes. She looked so lost and defensive; two thing Oz had never associated with the blonde slayer, he wanted to wrap his arms around her crossing the line between distant friends to close confidant, but he wasn't sure she would welcome such intimacy from him.

"Buffy," Oz said instead, pausing as he ducked his head to look into her downcast eyes, "What happened?"

The blonde looked momentarily into her werewolf's eyes before lifted her gaze to look around them, "Can we sit?" she asked.

------

_Oh bitchy place to end, but I needed a break here, and hey, at least it's out now. _

_Next one will definitely be out sooner than this one took, half is already written, but then again it is the hard chapter where the two, _"have the talk"

_No, not that one, I'm pretty sure they both know where babies come from._


	5. Untitled: Chapter Four

**_the_ talk**

chapter 4

"Can we sit?" Buffy asked, tilting her head in the direction of a bench she knew was close by.

Nodding, Oz let himself be led to a stone bench that sat in front of a stained old battered fountain that stood unused with only muddy water from the occasional rain storm sat stagnant at the bottom of its bowl.

Buffy sat on the edge of the seat looking into the murky depths behind her and waited for Oz to sit before she turned her gaze to him.

He had been away for so much, Buffy didn't know where to start.

The Initiative? Adam? Dracula? Dawn? ... Mom?

He looked so patient and compassionate at the moment it nearly broke Buffy, his expression asking her to spill all her thoughts and fears onto his kind shoulders but she turned her gaze down to the space between them blinking away the tears that might have fallen if she continued that thought. The slayer instead, focusing her attention on tracing the letter 'n'; that was engraved into the bench they sat on, the feeling grounding her as she considered how to explain to Oz something that she didn't know how anyone who hadn't been there could understand. Something that was constantly at the back of her mind now that she had a taste of it.

"Willow explained to you about Glory, right?" she finally asked, startling Oz who had been so intent on waiting for the moment she would open up, he had nearly missed it.

"Some. A lot of it I didn't understand but I guess that's to be expected.

Buffy just nodded as she continued to trace the 'n'; with the tip of her finger.

"I don't know where to start.

"It's okay. Just start from the beginning, Buffy," he told her, lightly touching her shoulder as reassurance.

Buffy smiled appreciatively and took a long deep breath.

"I dunno, I guess the start was that night. Dawn was supposed to die, but I couldn't let her do that. She was everything in the world to me, if she was gone I would've been left with nothing. So," she shrugged slightly, "I jumped instead," she ended softly, Oz having to shift a little closer to his friend as her voice was so low.

"A lot of it's fuzzy now, I don't remember everything from before.. from before my time in heaven," Buffy sighed and folded her hands in her lap as she worried her bottom lip between her teeth, "But afterwards..

The purple-haired wolf watched Buffy closely as she looked up at the night sky with a slight smile, and for a moment, Oz saw the reason why the few that had fallen for Buffy Summers, had fallen so deeply.

Buffy closed her eyes and breathed in deeply indicating she was about to continue which eased Oz from having to further that particular thought.

"I remember jumping though. I remember standing there, up on that tower and thinking, this was it, this was my reward.

"Reward?

Buffy smiled and looked back up to the sky, "I know, dying doesn't sound so much like a reward to normal people, but for me.. I was done. I'd finished and I didn't have to fight any more.

The two sat silently for a long while, the cold night air making Oz's uncovered arms break out in goose pimples.

"Buffy," Oz started and waited for the blonde to give him her full attention before he asked the question he had wanted to ask from the start of this conversation.

"What was heaven like?

Buffy looked at Oz from under her long lashes with a sad but also an almost joyous glimmer in her eyes that made the purple-haired wolf want to gather her up in a comforting hug that was maybe a bit more. It was the second time he had felt that way that night and the feeling confused him more than he liked to admit.

Buffy had never really been on Oz's radar before tonight. The radar that told him that Willow was the one he wanted in his life, for the rest of his life, that Veruca was someone that would understand him in a way no one else would understand and that Rachael was someone he could love. Buffy hadn't up to that point ever even made a blip on said radar. There was no doubting she was pretty, beautiful even, maybe even too beautiful in a conventional way that had led Oz to completely discount the blonde.

"Heaven?" she repeated softly, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.

"It was like.. it was like every good moment in your life, every wonderful dream, and every loving feeling you ever had rolled up into one," she said reverently, unconsciously scooting even closer to Oz as she spoke.

"It's like all the fear, self doubt, all the things that ever made you feel stupid or unworthy were far away because it had no place there. Anger and doubt, they're just, out of the question.

It-it's like finally achieving the one thing you never knew you wanted but always wished you had, but oh god Oz, it was all that but so much more, like you knew everything you ever needed to know because all the answers were already there and there wasn't a need to ask anymore.

Oz tilted his head as Buffy shook hers.

"I'm not explaining this right.

"No. No, I get it Buffy.

It was heaven.

Buffy paused, and then slowly beamed at her friend's simple words, knowing he understood her and felt instantly relieved when she didn't see any of the doubt she thought she would.

Feared she would.

This was the other reason holding her back from telling Willow and the others about heaven, especially as they were the ones that had pulled her out of there in the first place. Buffy had a feeling that if she had told them, their initial reaction would be to question her.

_"Are you sure Buffy?_

As if it made a difference that she was in the _real _heaven or in a Ôheaven-like' dimension.

_"Are you sure Buffy?_

Confirming to the slayer that they had doubts, serious doubts about her, something she had always dreaded.

_"Are you sure Buffy?_

Meaning they thought she might have back _wrong_.

Oz smile in return, looking straight into her green eyes he wanted to say something else, but blinked when he realised how close the two was were now sitting.

As if Buffy could read his thoughts, she quickly coughed and stood suddenly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she asked Oz if he was ready to resume their patrol.

The two walked in an uncomfortable silent for a while, nothing other than the crunch of their shoes and the occasional cricket making a sound in the silent cemetery prompting Oz to wonder where all the vampires were when you needed them.

"Oz, the letter you sent Willow.. did you really mean all that stuff?" Buffy softly asked him later, as they made their way out of Restfield cemetery and headed towards its neighbour.

"Letter? Oh.. you read that?

"I didn't mean, I know it was private, but Willow-"

"No it's okay," he cut her off quickly, "But, I don't remember..

"You said," Buffy paused and took a breath out of embarrassment, "You said you thought that people were missing out, that I was special and I took that to mean good special, not yellow bus special, but I could-

"Yes," Oz interrupted, "I mean no, not yellow bus special, but yes, life-changing special," Oz paused feeling uncomfortable with their unease with each other. He hardly ever felt like this, always quick witted enough or laid back enough that these situations scarcely ever occurred.

He was silent for so long in fact Buffy thought that was all he was going to say but he was continuing before she could think up of an appropriate response, much to her relief.

"I meant everything I said in that letter," the purple-haired wolf said running a hand through his messy hair, "Writing it, was like a... catharsis. I said all I ever wanted to say to Willow and I guess to you too," he said smiling, reassuring Buffy he didn't mind.

"Things that I guess were clearer with time away, which, you know, I'm grateful for, but coming back to Sunnydale, it was the right choice. I really only decided as I was writing it and I didn't even look back over what I wrote, just sent it off and got my things together and organised, but I know and _you_ need to know, I meant every single word of that letter, Buffy.

"Oh," Buffy blinked at Oz's long answer wondering if she had ever heard her friend say as much as he just had.

The silence hung between the two as they stopped in front of an anonymous gravestone, the cross unmarked and weathered by time.

"Everything?" Buffy asked finally.

"Yes.

The slayer cuffed him over the head and crossed her arms over her chest, "I am _not _a bottle-blonde.

Oz smiled wryly as he rubbed the back of his head but was saved from saying anything else on the matter as a dark figure tackled the slayer, both hitting the ground with a grunt.

--------

_I'm tired and I wrote this quickly because you were all so kind with reviews (quick relatively to the last post) and I'm not sure how good this chapter is, I don't know if I achieved what I wanted from the dialogue the two had. _

_sigh well I'll just have to be content for now, as I get busy with working on the next chapter._

_I have folio due in, in two weeks so there definitely wont be anything until after that, but of course this is the last folio ever and then I'll be out in the real world looking for real jobs or you know, sitting on my arse like usual, so you probably wont ever have to wait a whole year like last time I don't think._

Thanks to: Catlimere, nimacu, Thinkbtvs, Therm, The Red Cheese is Wax, RavensHaelo, Alex, Seren Lunar Echo and dizzybugger for the reviews, hope this was quick enough and good enough for you all.

PS. _Dizzybugger: The Willow bashing will be minimal sorry to say, she completely got on my nerves the season this is set, so there isn't any love for her either if that helps any ;)_

**Reviews are always loved, coddled and given a good home.**


	6. Untitled: Chapter Five

Blah, sorry for the wait, I got sidetracked by the euphoria of actually finishing Uni.. and then Pacman.

magical fixes 

chapter 5

''Do you think he's avoiding me?''

Tara looked at Willow's reflected image in the mirror with a confused frown, her hands stilled mid-way while removing her earrings.

''Who, Oz? Oh Willow, he's probably not''

''Because I haven't even talked to him since he's come back, and I know he's only been here a day and I was at school most of it so there wasn't much chance of catching up, but he practically ran out of here when Buffy asked if he wanted to patrol,'' Willow rushed anxiously as she sat on the bed, balling up the comforter in her hands.

''... I-I don't think''

''And what's with that anyway? Oz never patrolled with Buffy alone before, I don't see what's so different now, unless he _is_ avoiding me. Oh my god, he's avoiding me and I'm like this big insensitive jerk who's flaunting her new sexuality and _lover_ in his face.''

''Oh Willow, you're not flaunting me, he's just''

''A big insensitive jerk, I'm a big insensitive jerk who didn't even bother to go meet him at the airport and sends her best friend instead of turning up herself because she's scared of facing her ex. A big insensitive jerky fraidy cat''

''Willow!'' the hard edge in Tara's usually sweet voice startling the redhead, effectively cutting her off from further complaints.

''Not everything's about you, sweetie,'' Tara said softly as she sat beside her girlfriend and a put warm hand on the redhead's arm to soften the bite in her words.

''Like you said, Oz has only been here a day and I'm sure you'll have time to talk to him, but then again, if he does want to keep his distance I think you should respect that, honey. That doesn't mean, you know, letting him treat you badly because you feel guilty, but if he doesn't want to talk to you or be around you much, well, than you're just going to have to accept that. He didn't come here for you Willow, he's only in the house because Buffy wanted him here.''

Willow frowned as a muscle in her left cheek twitched, ''I just wish we could talk so I know he isn't still angry at me.''

''Just give him some space, he'll talk to you when he's ready,'' Tara soothed softy as she lovingly stroked the red-heads hair.

Willow knew she was right but she also couldn't help feeling hurt by her girlfriend's words and even a little miffed that she was being so damned reasonable.

Tara was her girlfriend wasn't she? She was supposed to support her, and take _her_ side, no matter what.

The sound of the front door opening and quiet voices floated up to where the two sat, announcing Buffy and Oz's return from patrol, the occasional hiss and swear word from the Slayer prompting the two to investigate.

''Thanks, there's bandages and alcohol up in the bathroom, under the sink,'' Buffy told Oz as he helped her onto the couch and headed up the stairs past the worried couple who had just emerged from Joyce's old room. Oz almost stopped a step past them when his brain registered that the two were only half dresses, but there was only a slight hesitation in his step as he made his way into the main bathroom, waving the two to go downstairs to the slayer, when he heard them gasp at his appearance.

He knew he looked like he had gone ten rounds with both Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield, he didn't need to look into the mirror to see that, but they were mostly superficial injuries. A black eye, a split lip and maybe a couple of bruised ribs, Oz counted himself lucky especially when Buffy had come away from tonight's patrol with what seemed to be a broken ankle, a sprained wrist and a nasty cut across her forehead near her hairline, though that had already closed up on the long walk home.

After the initial attack by an overzealous newbie vampire which Buffy had disposed of within seconds, it seemed to have signalled to the other lurking creatures of the night that the two were fair game, and it had been an all out fight for the later part of the evening. They had fought separately at first; their different fighting styles just getting into the other's way, but later, when the two had chased a fleeing group of vampires towards the Initiative caves, Buffy was able to move and compensate for the weaknesses in Oz's defences; being the more experienced fighter, and they were able to set up a steady rhythm as the two disposed of the last of their opponents.

Ironically enough, it hadn't been the fighting that was the cause of the their more serious injuries and mud splattered appearances, but a fall down a ravine that the two had failed to notice the last few vamps had pushed them to the edge of. Buffy was the first to come to a stop falling awkwardly on her side; the cause of her sprained wrist and broken ankle, injuries of which were then compounded when Oz had unceremoniously landed on top of her soon after (Buffy's raised elbow being the cause of Oz's black eye) and the two had hobbled home, propping each other up as they made their way through the dark street of Sunnydale.

It was something Oz was sure he would look back and laugh at but right now, his ribs hurt too much to be laughing.

''... it really isn't as bad as it looks,'' Oz heard Buffy tell the two worried witches as he came down the stairs, ''Thanks, Oz.''

Oz smiled and sat in front of the slayer on the coffee table as he handed the bandages to Buffy, and set the alcohol as well as some other things he had thought they would need, beside him. He could see that Tara who still had the damp dishcloth in her hands, had washed away most of the blood on Buffy's face, leaving an angry pink line that looked to have re-opened slightly without the grime and blood keeping the wound closed, making Oz wince in sympathy.

With her silent permission, he set about cleaning the cut properly with the alcohol and carefully dotting the butterfly bandages across it as Willow continued to question Buffy fretfully.

''But don't you think this could be just the start, Buffy?''

''Start?'' Buffy questioned, flinching as Oz finished dabbing the alcohol on her cut.

''Well, the two of you look like you've just come back from war, and isn't it always around this time that the demon world likes to throw an apocalypse our way?'' Willow said pausing with a frown when she noticed the two share a secret smile.

Buffy had come back from patrol looking she had rolled around in a muddy puddle swimming with sharp rocks with Oz not much better off, and the two were giving each other secret smiles? Willow didn't like the thought that the two might be laughing behind her back, especially when she wasn't exactly sure what they were laughing about.. and since when had they ever had anything in common to even _have_ a secret smile?

''Can you lift your leg up?''

The blonde nodded and gingerly raised her broken ankle into Oz's waiting hands as he rested it gently onto his upper thigh.

Buffy handed Oz the bandages and turned back to the redhead with a frown, ''I really don't think so Willow, I think we were just due for a good fight is all, and Oz and I can probably thank each other for most of our injuries, more so than the Sunnydale demon population in any case,'' another secret smiled shared between the two making Willow's own frown deepen.

''Why don't the two of you go back up to bed, there's nothing much else you can do 'cept watch the two cripples bandage each other up.''

Willow sat silently, ignoring Buffy's request as she considered her ex and her best friend with her piercing gaze. Oz had never in their years as friends, ever taken the responsibility of patching Buffy up after a patrol, never being so close to the blonde to even contemplate it, and with Buffy's ankle resting up on his thigh, Oz leaning forward in concentration, their body language looked almost.. intimate to her.

Willow shook her head at the thought, what had changed so drastically in one night?

Buffy's grimace as Oz tightened the bandage around her ankle thankfully pushing all further thoughts of that kind to the back of Willow's mind for later examination, sympathy for a hurt friend taking precedent.

''I don't know, Buffy, are you sure you're okay? You really look like you're in pain and you're wrist looks all puffy and purple already and ohh, you know what, I was reading this spell, where we could''

''No!'' Buffy exclaimed as her leg jolted in agitation and in the process, almost kicking Oz where it would have hurt the most.

''No spells.''

''But it's really simple, Buffy, it could help-''

''I said no, Willow,'' Buffy said with steel in her voice that made the witch pause as the blonde's jaw clenched in agitation.

''I just have to wrap up Buffy's wrist, it'll take you longer to get everything ready, Willow,'' Oz intervened, breaking the palpable tension between the two.

''I just - I don't understand. If it hurts-''

''Buffy'll take a few painkillers,'' Tara interjected this time, frowning at Willow's insistence at using magic when there really wasn't a need for it.

''C'mon sweetie,'' she gently took her girlfriends hand, ''We'll see you guys in the morning.''

Willow cast one more worried look over her shoulder as Tara lead her back up the stairs, unsure of what worried her more, Buffy and Oz's injuries, what possible apocalypse tonight might indicate that the slayer was ignoring, or the fact that Oz and Buffy having secrets that she wasn't in on.

If only Buffy would confide in her, Willow thought as she moodily turned off the light and climbed into bed. If only she could have her old best friend back, the one that giggled with her and told the redhead her deepest and darkest secrets. If only Oz would look her in the eye and tell her he was alright with her being with Tara. If only they could be all innocent teenagers again, with only mid-terms and Snyder to worry about.

But they weren't, and Oz was avoiding her, and Buffy was shutting her out.

Willow turned her back to her girlfriend mumbling a goodnight as Tara gave her a comforting squeeze around her shoulders.

Maybe she couldn't turn back time and make everything alright, but there was something she could do, and maybe the answer was somewhere in one of Willow's numerous spell books downstairs or in the restricted section of the Magic Shop.

Yes, a spell would get Willow her answers and then she could make everything okay. Maybe she had already come across the perfect spell during one of her long study sessions.

_Was it in the Ragnaršk Codex, sitting in the hidden space behind the closet, where she kept her most powerful books? _

_Maybe in the Lambda Almanac? In the space behind that even Tara didn't know about. _

With comforting contemplations of research lulling the redhead to sleep, the thought of waiting for Buffy and Oz to come to her in their own time never crossed Willow's mind.

------

_Notes: I'm finished!! No not the story, heh not that mean to leave it there, I mean my university career. I am now an officially qualified Graphic/ Communication Designer which actually mean dick all in the real world. So being that I will now be on the dole it seems (I knew I was always a pessimist at heart) I'll have a lot more time, or a lot less, depending on my determination to find a job. _

_Oi, that was hard to write and probably boring to read it was really just a set up chapter, I just hope I didn't paint a too unsympathetic Willow, I'm trying to not let my prejudices get in the way, but she was so damned self absorbed season six, and you know, her being that way suits my purposes, but she's still Willow and has _some_ redeemable qualities._

Thanks to: nimacu, Seren Lunar Echo, goody, Nikki, The Red Cheese Is Wax, dizzybugger, RavensHaelo, Therm, Perfect Darkness, Shabopo, Toni, and willowrose1616, also Meri and Chloe over at BuffynOz you all deserve lots of lovin, honestly, every single one made a smile for like a day. Each.

_RavensHaelo: yeah the last chapter should have been tacked onto the one before it, I have no other excuse for it's shortness ;) And no sob no Spike. I really wish I could have worked him into this story, but alas, he comes with too many problems. I really don't like it when authors have him but only use him as a crowd pleaser with no real purpose, and then discount the _energy_ he has with Buffy. So instead, lets just say he left after 'The Gift' to make his own way in the world._

_Perfect Darkness: Thanks! And, oh yeah, forgot about that._

**Anyone have any suggestions for a title?**

**Reviews blow up my head and make me feel much more important than I am, but don't let that stop you from pressing the little button below.**


	7. Interlude

Excuse the lateness, I did that thing again, where I wrote about a million and one different versions of this and I'm still not very happy. The shortness is explained below.

breathe 

Interlude

_I crawled out of the world_

_And you said I shouldn't stay_

_I crawled out of the world_

_Can I make it right?_

_Can I spend the night_

_Alone?_

- _Blue_ by Angie Hart and Joss Whedon

Buffy sat up in bed suddenly, clutching at her throat as she sucked in large gulping mouthfuls of air, the last vestiges of her nightmare blurring her vision and making her weep silent tears.

_Just breathe Buffy_

The panic, the desperation of the unknown as the darkness surrounded her, the deep hurt in the middle of her chest that made her want to claw and scream as her unused organs struggled back to life, her lungs straining at the effort, her heart feeling too large for her chest.

_Just breathe_

She remembered telling herself that after the first few moments of waking up in her grave, confused and frightened, it was the only thought she could cling to and the whole experience wasn't one she was eager relive. But, as it turned out, something must have broken inside of her the previous night, and her dreams had been filled with the deep darkness of her grave.

It wasn't supposed to be like this once she had finally faced her fears and told someone the truth. She was supposed to be all better now.

Wasn't she?

Throwing back the covers and picking up her dressing gown off of the floor with unsteady hands, Buffy made her way through the quiet house to begin her morning routine, starting with a cold splash of water to the face.

She stared at her dishevelled appearance in the mirror with an intensity she had lacked since her return, the water dripping down her neck to settle in the hollow of her collarbone.

_Breathe_

She took in every feature, every new freckle on her slightly upturned nose as she breathed slowly through her slightly parted lips.

Her mouth was different she suddenly realised.

Although she had stood in front of the mirror many times in the days after her resurrection, she had always focused on her eyes and the blankness that had served as her mask. It had been easy to disguise and veil emotions she wanted to keep from her friends by keeping her eyes free from expression, but it was her mouth that gave her away.

The last time she had stood in front of this mirror, excluding the perfunctory glances every now and then, had been just before the arrival of Oz's letter and she remembered her mouth being a thin, hard line then, reflecting the feelings of repressed longing and anger she was only now realising she had felt. What she was still feeling to an extent.

But as she wiped away the last of the dampness from her face with a hand towel, eyes still firmly on her reflection, she could see a softness to her mouth that she had thought was gone forever.

Yes, there was wariness from her troubled sleep, but there was also something youthful and less brittle, like she was more willing to smile than she had ever been.

Buffy shook her head derisively but smiled faintly nonetheless and finished up in the bathroom feeling a little silly for staring at her reflection for so long.

It looked like the girls had already gone to school which left her and Oz alone in the house again, if the soft snoring from below was any indication.

The sound made Buffy's smile widen as she paused at the top of the stairs. It was nice having someone else in the house when she woke up, the slight snoring noises not loud enough to be disturbing, but enough to let Buffy know Oz was still in a deep sleep.

_.....Inhale....._

_.....Exhale......_

_.....Inhale......_

_.....Exhale......_

It was comforting.

Sitting down on the top step and tilting her head to the side so that it rested against the wall, Buffy closed her eyes and matched her breathing to wolf's as she wondered over the event of the night before.

_.....Inhale....._

_.....Exhale......_

_.....Inhale......_

Buffy hadn't expected Oz would have been as good at fighting as he had been. She had made sure to keep an eye on him throughout the brawl which in the end, had been unnecessary as she remembered watching him punch a much larger vampire in the gut with enough power behind it to convince her that some of the wolf had come out in Oz during the conflict.

Had he learned to fight like that in the two years between the last time he had been in Sunnydale; the two years Buffy had noticed they had not spoken of, or maybe in the time he had been away with the monks learning those control techniques that weren't ever properly explained to her. Maybe he had always had those moves, Buffy just never taking the time to notice.

_.....Inhale....._

_.....Exhale......_

Oz.

The wolf was a puzzle to her now that she _had_ taken the time to notice.

He was so similar to the person she remembered from her years at Sunnydale High; not exactly quiet, but by no means a loudmouthed chatterbox, he still exuded that calm acceptance that he had always displayed, yet there was a wisdom, an oldness to his being that if possible, made his stillness even more... still.

He had listened to her patiently last night, without preconceptions or judgement, but at the same time had been avoiding the subject of his own experiences the past few years.

It made Buffy feel slightly uneasy at the imbalance of their relationship.

He now knew her deepest and darkest secret, yet she didn't even know what country he had been in for the past two years, let alone anything deep or dark.

_.....Inhale....._

But she did know a lot more about him from their day together than she thought she ever would.

She knew he liked to drown his pancakes in maple syrup; to the point of decadence in fact, and could eat up to eight pancakes in the same fashion in one sitting.

For someone so lean in build, she didn't know where he put it all or how he could be so calm with that amount of sugar in him.

She knew he shared a secret love of hers for soap operas, and had spent the afternoon with him making fun of the over acting and dramatisations while occasionally shushing each other, loving every moment of said over acting and dramatisations.

Buffy even knew he owned a pair of boxers with little puppies on them, a pair he had tried to unsuccessfully hide amongst his other plain, _less embarrassing _underwear, as they folded his laundry together. He had later explained with a slight blush, that they had sentimental value; a present from his aunt Maureen, soon after she had told him of his cousin's lycanthropy.

She oddly found him attractive as she remembered how the slight hue of pink had crawled up his neck and stained his cheeks, having never seen such an event before, it made him seem more real to her now. Like he was more human somehow; someone with a full range of emotions, not just 'Willow's ex'.

_.....Exhale......_

''Buffy?''

--------

So sorry it took this long and the chapter was supposed to be longer too with more plot development but turned into interlude.

I'm leaving for Macau tomorrow and wont be back for a month, so I thought I should send what I had out now. I'll try and work on it while I'm away too, so don't forget about me! I WILL be back.

_The song _Blue_ by Angie and Joss, was like a light bulb for me, I think I might appropriate coughstealcough a line from it for the title cause it kind of embodies where this fic is going, what you guys think?_

Thanks and kisses to: Jen, nimacu, Perfect Darkness, Seren Lunar Echo, The Red Cheese is Wax, Ivy Gort, Mister Gordo, at-nightfall, onlimain Tasha and MG all the feedback is wonderful! I cant believe I hit and passed the 50 mark, and not a flame in sight! _knock on wood, not sure after this short update that wasn't really an update, it might have been worse than not updating at all. Sorry again!_

at-nightfall & MG: Thank you for the suggestions! Like I said, I might use a line out of 'Blue' but thanks anyway. Kisses!

Perfect Darkness: I can see the psych degree is working though, you hit the nail on the head there, and I'll be perfectly honest with you, I don't know where Will's addiction will lead (maybe I'll have her try to end the world by summoning an underground church with a weird plastic effigy.. oh wait) but I don't think it will be large part of this story.

The Red Cheese is Wax: I'm sorry! And even more sorry it will be longer till the proper chapter!


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